Again.
It's the same thing. About friends.
I was wrong. Again. All this time I thought none of my friends was there caring about me. And I thought again, there is. That person just doesn't want to show it. But now, I think again, I was wrong. None of them gives a fuck about my life. It was right. No one cares about me. Yes, I sound really pathetic right now. I never seek for attention but I just want someone to care about me.
Sometimes, when I'm alone, nothing runs through my mind but about my friends. It's so weird right that everyone is like thinking of their boyfriends, girlfriends, families, studies and etc and then there's me thinking about my so-called friendship with friends. I heave a sigh everytime I think about them. I'm just too disappointed with them that they treat me like a trash and left me behind.
I am not a trash. Don't leave me behind. I hate that. People come at me only when they feel lonely and have no friends but after that, they just leave without any reason. It's cruel.
I still remember that time. I have two bestfriends. They were arguing and I was in the middle. I wanted them to talk to each other. I tried many methods to make them like they used to. I'm the person who hates seeing my bestfriends arguing and not talking to each other. It's just too painful by just watching their actions. One of my methods worked and now both of them are talking to each other. I was so happy about that.
But, something had happened between me and them. One day, I fell asleep in the class. It was reccess time, no one woke me up and left me in the class alone and went to the canteen. I searched them at the canteen and asked, "why did you leave me in the class?". No one replied. I was like yeah okay if you guys don't want to talk to me.
After that, I started not talking to them. It was actually only one of them but the other one is just ?????? Idk. I was puzzled. Why they don't want to talk to me though. I just fell asleep and they did not just use that as a reason for not wanting to talk to me?
From that I realised, I cared about their friendship but they don't. It was painful for me watching them not talking to each other but okay for her watching me not talking to the other one.
I wanted to be heartless for once in my life before, but I just can't. I always care about people. I always ignore about my own.
Again.
It's the same thing. About friends.
I was wrong. Again. All this time I thought none of my friends was there caring about me. And I thought again, there is. That person just doesn't want to show it. But now, I think again, I was wrong. None of them gives a fuck about my life. It was right. No one cares about me. Yes, I sound really pathetic right now. I never seek for attention but I just want someone to care about me.
Sometimes, when I'm alone, nothing runs through my mind but about my friends. It's so weird right that everyone is like thinking of their boyfriends, girlfriends, families, studies and etc and then there's me thinking about my so-called friendship with friends. I heave a sigh everytime I think about them. I'm just too disappointed with them that they treat me like a trash and left me behind.
I am not a trash. Don't leave me behind. I hate that. People come at me only when they feel lonely and have no friends but after that, they just leave without any reason. It's cruel.
I still remember that time. I have two bestfriends. They were arguing and I was in the middle. I wanted them to talk to each other. I tried many methods to make them like they used to. I'm the person who hates seeing my bestfriends arguing and not talking to each other. It's just too painful by just watching their actions. One of my methods worked and now both of them are talking to each other. I was so happy about that.
But, something had happened between me and them. One day, I fell asleep in the class. It was reccess time, no one woke me up and left me in the class alone and went to the canteen. I searched them at the canteen and asked, "why did you leave me in the class?". No one replied. I was like yeah okay if you guys don't want to talk to me.
After that, I started not talking to them. It was actually only one of them but the other one is just ?????? Idk. I was puzzled. Why they don't want to talk to me though. I just fell asleep and they did not just use that as a reason for not wanting to talk to me?
From that I realised, I cared about their friendship but they don't. It was painful for me watching them not talking to each other but okay for her watching me not talking to the other one.
I wanted to be heartless for once in my life before, but I just can't. I always care about people. I always ignore about my own.
The one behind everything
she writes when she feels sad
Zelyn is the name.
Sixteen years old. Not really 'old'.
Blows candles on cake on every July 10th.
An introvert who loves to be alone.
Wants someone who understands her
well to always be with her.
Hates noisy sound and bustling cities.
Can be weird with the ones she's close with.
A fucking timid and not a person who initiates the conversation first irl.
But total opposite on the internet.
If you're trying to be her friend, you need to approach and talk to her first.
p/s: I write something just for fun and only when I think I have to let out my feelings. That's the reason why I named my blog 'Painkiller'.
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